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Someone once told me that to begin on a magickal path is to begin on a path of solitude. No one will understand you anymore, no one will “get it” and no one will stick around long enough to share your joys and pains. Your experiences will separate you from the mundane world around you and the people in it. Eventually those you know fall away as the bite of the off hand comment cuts you to the quick. They think they are being cute or funny, but they are making fun of something they don’t understand and something that has come to mean a whole heck of a lot to you.
It’s hard to take lightly the inner search and exploration one works so hard on when they begin a magickal life. Not that we should loose our sense of humor, that would be a death in itself, just look at all the conflicts going on at internet sites between Pagans and magickal practitioners who have lost the ability to relax and laugh at themselves and others. It’s funny how those who seem to want unity and camaraderie of others who might understand them and their journey tend to isolate themselves and fraction off from others on such a regular basis.
In the end, the journey is a solitary one. Even with a close friend, lover, or family who might also share that view, every path is a lonely one, for each and every person to walk alone. Not one of us is completely like another and the stones we stumble upon may be easily passed over by someone else, even if they walk in your footsteps. (Ever try and walk in deep snow right behind someone else, stepping in their footprints?)
As far as the rest of the world, I don’t mind the isolation, I’ve never really fit in or blended well with others. I suppose it was a preparation. I’m not missing much and so it doesn’t matter. I have very few people in my life and I know what I go through will be individual to me. Life is good.
I have been preparing to set up a schedule for MY Great Work. A work on myself, physically, mentally, spiritually. I am working on my discipline and dedication. I am thinking through a study of the tree of life and working through the spheres and pathways.
Last night I took a crack at what my latest adventure in working on myself will look like. It will be a long torturous journey with much pain along the way. There will be music, dance and hopefully no casualties. Yes, that’s right, I am about to begin Belly Dancing for Fitness.
Along with my two guides, Veena and Neena, I shall shimmy and shake the 
paint off the walls (and hopefully not break any furniture). I mostly only viewed the video last night, attempting a few of the moves along the way to see how it was going to work. Here is a little secret about Naufragio…….this white girl can’t dance. I not only have two left feet, I have two left hips, shoulders arms and a head that I think is left, although it may be right. I, however, am not going to let this stop me. I know that this form of dance is incredible exercise and maybe in time I will learn how to move my hip this way and my arm that and back without tripping over the other leg.
I have been doing some light Yoga for a while and know I have the flexibility and a base for some of the movements. Last nights little test proved there are muscles I didn’t realize how little I used but really should. Muscles like obliques and the lower back and abdomen. I have shied away from abdominal exercise since college. It was a few years after having kids and I was in a PE class. There was too much scarring from the c-section to comfortably do a lot of the ab work. It tore at the scar tissue and I was advised not to push. I think this might be a good alternative for working sorely neglected areas.
OK, I don’t care if I look funny doing it. I will soon have a larger room where nobody can see. It will be fun and a lot of hard work. I hope to see fast improvement in my body. I know I’ll be feeling it right away as the burning and aches remind me of what they need. Maybe I’ll learn a few things to impress the boys. 
Although my biggest reason for taking this on is fitness, I wouldn’t mind if in a year’s time I looked closer to the silhouette at the beginning of this post instead of how I feel at this start…
What are you looking for? Why do you practice Magick in the way that you do? What are your beliefs?
We all hear these questions, either from others or from ourselves. This is an attempt to clarify myself, who I am, what I’m about, and all the whys I can think of. It’s for others to understand me a little better, maybe see parts of their own journey within mine, and also for myself, as a record in the future of how I might have changed or not.
My latest explorations are in alchemy, more specifically creation of my tinctures. The original purpose was simply to have a tool to increase my magickal workings. In process and research, I am finding so much more to it.
The main goal of the alchemist is either the transmutation of one material into another, as in the search to turn lead into gold, or the evolution of the “raw and unfinished” nature by a process of separation and recombination, sometimes resulting in an “elixir of life” that will cure all disease and extend life indefinitely. Well, this is what I hope to attain! I guess I’m an alchemist!
The raw material to be transformed is myself as I stand this day, in all states of humanity and unfinished roughness. Working through LHP practices to learn and know myself, I hope to bring new understanding of who I am in this world and how I relate to everything around me. It involves a deep look within as well as without, pushing boundaries and experiences so I understand my body, my heart, my soul. Some of this need not be as extreme as others may lead to believe but the work on ones self I feel is an integral part of reaching a relationship with divinity. I don’t necessarily think that aligning with the 4 elements is the way or even enough. Maybe it just isn’t in my case. I am lead and it’s going to take a lot of work to become gold.
Apart from the practice of LHP processes, I do seek a union with the divine but I see having to go left in order to proceed right. Does that make sense to anyone? By separating, establishing and understanding myself as an individual in the universal sense, in the end through recombining with divinity I will be part of the elixir creation. It will be an enlightenment that will connect me to the divine and bestow the knowledge, healing and everlasting life as I come to know all that I am a part of. We are all energy and energy never dies and so of course there is life after death, just not in a more classical Christian kind of way, more of an Einstein conceptual way.
So I am on this journey of discovery and transmutation. With Jung and Yoga, Gurdjieff and the Qabbalah I shall be turned from lead into gold and drinking the Elixir of life from the holy grail!
Tonight it was brought to my attention that there are colleges that have free online course information. By information, I mean the assignments and readings that someone who took the course had.
Browsing around the Massachusetts Institute of Technology site, I came across a course in the Anthropology Dept that was taught in the Fall of 2003.
“Magic, Witchcraft, and the Spirit World” shows a complete reading list and assignments. More info can be found by clicking on the bar on the left of that site. For an interesting historical trip into the study of possession, snake handlers, witch hunts and more, take a look and maybe embark on your own personal independant study class.
You might also be interested in the “Myth, Ritual, and Symbolism” information.
I have noticed, in my study of all things magickal, that there is more to this “circle” thing. What I mean is that I’ll find a topic/subject/resource that either doesn’t really interest me, or that I just don’t get and so I move past it and on to other things. I always find that whatever trail I end up taking, it brings me back around to those topics/subjects/resources that I avoided before.
A perfect example is the QBLH. Although I have picked up some general knowledge here and there, the depths were just to deep to fathom and I swam on. Now, a wall I face in progressing and better understanding the Ceremonial Work I want to do is a lack of knowing the QBLH. So, Back to some basics I go, to reinforce things I learned but lackadaisically performed and to learn and understand better, deeper, more fully the nature of the universe and my place in it.
To what fortuitous occurrence do we not owe every pleasure and convenience of our lives.
~Oliver Goldsmith
I ordered my inverted Pentacle a while back. It was not easy for me to find, as I only desire a delicate, not “in your face” statement in my jewelery. I found a nice approx. 1/2 ” charm, only slightly bigger than the regular one I wear. It arrived in time for the full moon. 
How fitting that in the “dark” of the full moon (as we have a snowstorm going on so it was hidden) that I did a small personal consecration of my new charm. Power hidden behind clouds of immense beauty affecting thousands positively and negatively depending on their outlook, the reflection of themselves in their attitude, floating peacefully to earth bringing cold satisfaction to melt in my hand like the cold hearts of man melting in the face of the divine. My own power, still hidden, floating out in flakes, some tiny, others great big puffs in squalls and flurries. *
*ok Boleskine, you can stop gagging now, the “fluffy” part is over.
“Why inverted,” you may ask. NO, I’m not a satanist, or evil. I do feel that MY path to spiritual advancement is found in the exploration and understanding of me, myself and I. Id,Ego and Super Ego, conscious and unconscious, flesh, mind, emotion, soul and spirit; it is the growth, knowledge and awareness of these in myself and the ability to see these in others that bring me closer to who I am meant to be. Some may call it my destiny or true will. The single up or down point on the pentacle represents spirit, something I feel is not sought up in the ethers somewhere but down in the material world we live in, within ourselves. That is where we need to seek it, divinity in everything around us and in what we are. Thus, the inversion.
After all, if we all knew ourselves better, our needs, our motivations, our fears and the reasons behind them and how to push past obstacles, wouldn’t the world be a better place? All those self help books out there tell me that people are searching, and it’s not for Jesus.
From Dianne Sylvan’s book, The Body Sacred. I absolutely love the idea behind this quote:
Much has been written on the sacred spaces we create, but not so much on the sacred space we embody. Unlike a circle, however, the altar of the flesh is one you take with you everywhere and never un-cast. Imagine your whole life in circle; every action you make would have an air of purpose and importance, just as every gesture made in a temporary circle adds to the ambiance and power of the rite therein. Nothing done before an altar is frivolous or without meaning.
What changes in our lives would we make if we treated ourselves as a sacred object, where every action, every thought was a sacred process instead of a mundane, meaningless means to an end?
Where do I begin on the greatest work of all time? To some, the great work involves K&C with the HGA. Perhaps I too shall one day meet mine, but not today. My great work involves a more left hand approach to my “salvation” and enlightenment.
I have come to the doorway of a great house. Once I step inside, I want to know which room to enter first. There are many and all need to be visited, from the dusty sun-striped attic to the dark, damp crevasses of the cellar. Each room holds a part of myself, good or bad, fearful or strong, a fun house where you never quite know what each step will bring to you. I am currently working on a map and a plan of action.
To know what rooms there are, I need to look deep into the mirror of my mind, heart and soul. I need to peek at just what it is that I’m afraid of and name each and every fear, weakness and folly, assigning them rooms of their own. I have to strain and glimpse those parts of me that are sitting in the dark, curled on the floor and hardly seen by the unaided eye. To these I will need to bring light and turn up the volume, no longer content to let them wither away in the corners, unseen and unheard.
During my visit I will laugh and dance, other times I will break down and cry but through it all my greatest hope is to feel. It is something I have hidden from and swallowed consciously and unconsciously for such a long time. I’m not cold, I’m not aloof, I’m afraid. So many things, so many times, so many people. It is time for me to be able to feel and do without being overwhelmed and overcome. It is time for me to know what pleasure is, it has been denied for far to long. It is time to know how to feel without it cutting like a knife. There is a balance I need to learn.
This is my new beginning… and ending. When I emerge, heck even as I navigate from room to room, I shall be forever changed.
A Taurean holy man seeking spiritual peace by connecting personally with his God (bringing the relationship to an earthly level) and directing one’s will as symbolized by the ecclesiastical sign made by the two pointing fingers on his right hand. He represents traditional values and spiritual need for expression.
He is the culmination of human development. He can also be stubborn and unbending in traditions at his worst.
We have the answer within us, the key to our transformation. Maybe we have gotten some bad advice but it can be rectified. It is time to make decisions or take advice from someone with more experience, even if it is something we don’t want to hear. There is no quick fix, but it is attainable, if we listen to our selves and wise people around us.
What is the Heirophant saying to me? Well, spiritually, I have been seeking ritual, something to connect me on a more regular basis. I’ve been thinking of creating a more personal space of worship, a proper altar for myself and my work. Could this be representative of this? I don’t know.
Having researched and read much lately on LHP, transformation is what I desire. I want to begin that “dangerous” great work that will put me in touch with my true inner self. Some of that will require the assistance and participation of others. The fear and “tradition” of keeping silent and to myself needs to be addressed. There is something great and powerful inside myself, I know it is there, the long hard road of breaking through that will soon begin. It has to. I’m beginning to get a clearer image of what I need to to and to be. I just need to get there.
I guess it will soon be my time for action, the work that will bring me that closer, more personal connection with myself and therefor my God(s).
This was me a scarce two years ago, I posted a blog on myspace that reflected my mental state at that time.
This day I give thanks for nothing. What should I be thankful for? Friends I don’t hardly ever see? The job I did so well and got laid off from? The new job that lets me pay my bills but gives me hours that contributed to the explosion of my family? The children who would rather be else ware on the holidays even now when they don’t even live at home? My failure as a parent? The car that is giving me trouble and will probably continue to? My great success in managing my own life? (note: last statement dripping with sarcasm) For almost losing my mind and almost nobody noticing? Thankful for the tears I hide and the pain buried deep inside?
I’m a failure as a mother, I’ve been a failure as a wife, I’m a failure in working hard and supporting my family on my own. I’ve been a success in nothing but living through it all, battered and bruised, cut and covered in scars both inside and out. So I sit here alone, getting ready to put on a shallow smile for my parents, feeling sick inside. But I’m here, “Be thankful for your health,” I’d rather not. I’m as sick inside as one who is healthy can be but there is no cure and there is nothing to be thankful for this year. My life is in shambles and it is a mess. CALGON TAKE ME AWAY!!!!! If I’m lucky I’ll choke on the bubbles and drown.
Well, here I am now with a totally new life, new friends, new focus. I can see that those failures are not all mine. I did the best I could at the time.
These past few years have seen me grow a lot. I’m happier, loved, cared for, and finding psychological, physical and spiritual pursuits that only show me more of myself and help me heal.
I am thankful for the weight I have lost, may there be more to come off.
I am thankful for Boleskine 93, the best friend I have ever and will ever have.
I am thankful for the ability and strength to be standing on my own and voicing my feelings and thoughts even if they cause a stir because it doesn’t “go with the flow”
I am thankful for all the wonderful resources that are falling into my hands and filling me with knowledge and information.
I am thankful for the skills I am learning with wood and herbs and other materials that make me happy.
I am thankful for the ability to let go
I am thankful for being aware of when I can’t
I am thankful that my life has changed and that I have records like this to show me how far I have come.
Now when I call for the Calgon I have a different thing in mind!!!
Happy Thanksgiving to all. May the Gods and Goddesses bless you and keep you in the coming months of darkness.
